20,000 guys out of your league
Dear Fozzie,Let's say you (hot bear) see a random (hot twink) and want to meet the guy and get to know him better.
However, reliable sources tell you that said random doesn't really like bears (no matter how hot they are) and his type is really.. well, himself. What would you do to try to get to know the guy and get laid with him?
Bear-ish in Brooklyn
Dear Bearish in Brooklyn,
Believe me I've been there. Dating outside of your league is one of the great joys of life right after falling in love and right before when you put on an old coat and find cash in the pocket. To pull up a profile of someone really hot to show your friends and say, "yea, I tapped that" is not only skeezy but a total high. Getting there is the hard part. The key is recon since going in cold assures failure. Some may call it stalking but I call it being smart. The first step is getting the name of said "random." An easy way to do this is to approach him and ask him if he is another name. Try something outlandish like "aren't you Clyde Lipschitz?" When he says no you need to keep pressing saying that you are sure that you met him at a party in Williamsburg. Every cute boy has been to at least one party in Williamsburg so this is a safe bet. Tell him that you remember chatting for a while at the party and eventually you can introduce yourself, making sure to say both your first AND last name. He will inevitably give his full name at which point let the cyber stalking begin!
After finding out a few things about him you can check out his Facebook profile to see if you have any friends in common. If not you can simply friend him and stick with the Williamsburg party idea when you friend him. After this is done you make a point to comment on several of his posts even when they are inane and stupid (as most hot twinks are). When you have established a firm online friendship it's time to create a few faux facebook profiles using pictures of equally hot guys that you ripped from the Internet. Now you need to post some stupid and inane status messages and then use the fake profiles to reply to your own statuses saying things like, "thanks for the great time last night, baby. Can I see you again this weekend?" Remember to play it coy with yourself as if you have something these hot boys really want but you aren't one to be tied down. Eventually the said "random" you are chasing will be intrigued enough by these got guys enough to find out what all the fuss is about. After you bed him and he realizes that there's nothing there you'll be long gone and have the greatest reward of all. Bragging rights and the memories of a sexual encounter that is way out of your league.
It may sound duplicitous and like a lot of work but anything worth having is worth working and lying for.
Sincerely,
Fozziebare
P.S. if any of my hot Facebook friends read this keep in mind that I have never done any of these actions and that Topher Grace really is all about me.
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