Monsters in America
Soon, my love. Soon.
Recently a half demon/half sea monster, affectionately named Monty, was discovered washed up dead on the shore of Montauk, Long Island. Sad losers who can't see beyond the end of their Biore pore strip have denounced this finding as a dead, shaved, beaked, extraordinary large raccoon, while us rational folk call a monster a monster. Well in addition to Monty a couple of dedicated monster seekers claim to have located the body of Bigfoot in California. Also video evidence recently surfaced of the elusive Chupacabra in Texas. What is causing all of these monsters to suddenly come forward like a sexually harassed intern right before a big election? Did the secret government facility that houses these creatures suffer a security breech? Is the glamour spell that normally prevents us from seeing these creatures breaking down? Whatever it is I'm just happy that there's finally a rational explanation for all my sucked goats.
The answer is simple. It is time for the old German pedophile to coax a 6 year old girl to throw an ancient amulet into a whirlwind. Haven't you seen Monster Squad?
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